My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
