her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I understand Curling. That high.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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