how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
