did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
