u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
