I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
