Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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