you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
