you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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