Betty ford says i'm here all night
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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