pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
