its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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