I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
