Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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