party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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