we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
