This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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