worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
