you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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