The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
