This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
