ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
