I puked a lego.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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