i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
