while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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