Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
