Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
