Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
