I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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