I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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