First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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