I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
