just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
