Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
