Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
