I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
