I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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