I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so let's talk penis.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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