Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
