He disabled his match.com account in front of me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
