Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
