Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
