If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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