Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
