i just wanna soil my oats bro
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
only you would photoshop your dick
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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