That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
