dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
