They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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