it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
