Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
