I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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