So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
