theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
