In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
