Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
