The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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