Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
