4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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