Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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