dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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