This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
