its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
