Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i barfeds in our rink
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
